nit khair manga - legging go

going to go observe Itakaf and stay for 10 days in a mosque

I noticed different mediums and explain things across place or posting with loved ones or the world around me how I avoid certain details because it feels like I’m preserving a secret part of it for me to experience. It’s like I don’t want the association to the word that I used to describe the truth of what I’m doing to them to manifest into something else and I don’t know why it is sense of control or power

Perhaps because I know that certain things are not aligned fully with someone else’s depiction or aspects of what it means to be Islamic or other things and I am a lot of pieces of parts, but I feel like I don’t want all these associations associated with certain words of neck might use

Certain words or vernacular might use

***

Anyway, there’s one movie that’s really come to mind for me right now and there’s very few movies that bring me to tears and very few movies are things that I should rewatch or reread

My brain and body remembers the energy or something and have to revisit those different times in my life

One of those books of art is the movie rockstar

bollywood movie

It moves me so much

There’s a scene where the guy just stays in the temple for a little bit being a reach of his family and asked, and eventually just starts creating and singing, and participating the temple before ultimately becoming international famous successful rockstar, but he goes through ridiculous trial and grief of genuinely experiencing this life genuinely being part of it

Spoke with someone last night, who keeps dancing with me and her words be reflected a lot of experience I’m having lately

Her words or something like I really just wanted the bone marrow, the actual core minerals of everything around me really full experience those as somebody who’s fully now aware that they are particularly sensitive to ridiculous message, stimuli energy and sensory details and experiences

Those areas around Started because doing things in general, put yourself out there in the world where we all have this experience and it can be very exhausting so you numb yourself to it, but to expand consciousness as to perceive understand experience at all and you want to officially process filter out what’s not there but when you don’t filter out your continue to add to your cup and you need to properly maintenance and manage it to keep it from overflowing in combusting

Yeah

Anyway, I’ll be gone for a little bit. I’ve been sending some voice notes out to some friends and loved ones Today

A message Iryn Mae explain that we are truly software, but the burning fire in passage might get from we gather yourself up in the mountain has to be maintained, that state that clarity that self awareness that being still has to be maintain in the valley you have to also be able to move an integrate with coming down to reality you cannot stay in the world away from here which is not you and not your nature that’s more so to be a part of that nature and the fact that you’re gonna adapt and change so you must actually act and in the western as a world data points like putting your writing online country piece of thought content or awkward message could be screenshot it and posted it somewhere or cancel those other things. I just feel like it’s so easy to get entangled with overthinking about all these other things in the present moment.

But

I’m here for the bow marrow in life